All right, all right, stop your hollering, I know it’s been while. Well, more than a while. But it’s ok, I’m back! The chicken shops are still there and they’re even more of a cultural phenomenon than ever. What have we missed? The Chicken Cottage awards, for one thing*..

..and countless odes to chicken..

and even a bona fide documentary on Channel 4 (slightly perturbed by this, to be honest. That’ll teach me for going AWOL)

So now I make a solemn promise to you that I will continue to bring you the chicken shops of South London, and not rest until the quest is complete.

In the words of Logan Mac, how do you want it? I want it fried.

*I haven’t managed to watch all 12 minutes of this.